Being heartbroken is one of the hardest things we will go through in life. It can take months or even years to grieve a failed relationship. Getting back out there can be difficult; sometimes we harbor pain from the past and it stops us from creating a new future.
1. Analyze on what you want and don’t want In a partner
With enough time and distance from your last relationship, you can look back and objectively evaluate what did and didn’t work for you — which you can learn from and use to help you find a partner who’s really right for you. Take time to reflect on the attributes your ex had that worked for you and that didn’t. Repeat this exercise for all your exes. Then write a list of your core values. This will bring you a sense of empowerment and focus and will steer you towards a healthy, lasting relationship.
2. Don’t compare dates to your Ex
When you’re dating after a breakup, it can be tempting to compare every person you go out with to your ex but that’s actually an unhealthy. And it means you have not forgiven your ex. The biggest hurdle I’ve seen people face when dating after a breakup is not comparing the people they’re seeing to their ex.
3. Be honest about your want
When you feel comfortable, it is important to be open about what has hurt you in the past. By expressing your concerns and what you need in a relationship, a new significant other is given the chance to do right by you and check-in and make sure you’re feeling okay. Hiding your past will not enable a new partner to see the reason behind your vulnerabilities.
4. Leave any resentment behind.
Not all men are the same. Just because you have been hurt before, maybe multiple times, it’s not fair to expect a new partner to do the same. You could end up pushing someone away if you act bitter towards them and expect them to hurt you early on. Try to have a positive outlook when entering new territory.
5. Believe that you have more than one soul mate.
Because there’s no such thing as having only one soul mate on this planet. If you’ve already found one, good for you. But guess what? There are more out there. How do I know that for sure? I don’t. But if you want to go on staying stuck in your breakup and feeling sad about losing your soul mate, I can guarantee you won’t find a new person who brings out the light inside of you, who makes you feel special, wanted, and supported. Believing you have only one soul mate is nothing more than a limiting factor.
6. Get clear on your values.
Our values are the guiding lights in our lives. If you’re not clear on what you value, how can you find someone who shares your values? Because if you’re dating people who don’t share the same values as you, it’ll never work. Think about your past relationships. Remember those times when you first started dating someone and you discovered something that didn’t match with your values? And remember how you brushed it to the side and said, “It’s probably not that big of a deal. Maybe I’ll change….or maybe they’ll change.
7. Seek the beauty in others around you
Pay compliments to others often, notice their positive attributes and admire qualities that you find wonderful. Putting yourself in the headspace to be able to appreciate positive qualities in others can be a wonderful springboard to seeing these attributes in yourself, as well. It’s simple, but it works
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